Episode 29: How to Fight Fair (What No One Taught Us About Conflict)

May 26

Most of us were never taught how to fight fair. We absorbed habits, patterns, and a fair amount of defensiveness from our own families and brought it all into our relationships. In this episode, sex therapist + couples counselor Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy and pelvic floor physical therapist Dr. Alexandra DiGrado get into the mechanics of conflict. Dr. Alex gets personal about her own tendencies as a pursuer, including the moment she was ready to pack up the kids over her husband's tone of voice. And together, they get into what genuine repair requires, which turns out to be a lot more than just saying sorry.

What you’ll learn:

What it means that conflict is co-created and why blaming your partner for the cycle misses the point
Why defensiveness is usually about shame, not the argument itself
Why pursuing and withdrawing are both flooded nervous system states, just opposite expressions of the same thing
Why a sincere apology requires tolerating your own guilt (most of us skip that part entirely)

Tune in if you’ve ever thought:

"It doesn't matter what we're fighting about…we keep falling into the same bad habits.”

"I feel like I'm always the one who has to bring things up."
"By the time we actually talk about it, I'm already too angry to have a fair conversation."
"I don't want to start something right before bed, but I also can't just let it go."

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