According to relationship experts, the Gottmans, 69% of the issues couples disagree about never get fully resolved. That might sound bleak, but it definitely doesn't mean the relationship is doomed.
In this episode, relationship and sex therapist Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy and pelvic floor physical therapist Dr. Alex DiGrado talk about what the Gottmans call "perpetual problems": disagreements that come from deep differences in what you value and how you like to live. In other words, neither person is necessarily “wrong,” and neither may be willing (or able) to change their mind. Dr. Rebecca and Dr. Alex share examples from their own relationships and talk about how to stop getting stuck in the same frustrating loop every time these issues come up. They also explore the small, everyday gestures that help couples build a culture of warmth and appreciation, making those differences easier to navigate.
Whether it's a vacation budget, a parenting decision, or household repairs, most couples know what it's like to argue about the same things over and over. The goal isn't to solve every issue or change each other's minds. It's to respect your differences, find ways to meet halfway, and keep building the warmth and appreciation that help your relationship weather the tough stuff.
What you'll learn:
Why a different partner wouldn't make the problems go away (...you'd just get different problems).
How to see a compromise as a "love letter" (like a husband who makes the bed every day for his wife, even though he couldn't care less).
When to say "I'll do this because I love you" and when to just do it (and how to check your own motives first).
Why small, everyday kindness (think of it as filling a bucket) makes the fights you can't solve less heated.
How to stop fighting the big fight (save vs. spend) and instead focus on the specific decision in front of you (fixing the dishwasher vs. replacing it).
Tune in if you've ever thought:
"Every vacation we plan turns into a fight about where to stay and how much to spend."
"Is this even worth fighting about, or should I just let it go?"
"I compromised because I love them. Is it okay that I want them to notice?"
"We're good at so many things, so why can't I stop thinking about the few we're not?"
"If we can't agree on this, are we even right for each other?"
Helpful resources:
Gottman, J. M., & Silver, N. (1999). The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.
McCarthy, B. (2021). The Sexual Paradox. Psychology Today. Healthy sexuality plays a 15–20% role in relationship satisfaction, while dysfunctional or avoidant sexuality plays a destructive 50–75% role.
Parents in Love: A Guide to Great Sex After Kids by Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy
Find a pelvic floor PT near you: pelvicrehab.com or Pelvic Global Directory
Connect with us:
Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy
Website: rebeccaeudy.com | Instagram: @rebeccahowardeudy | Newsletter: Parents in Love Substack
Dr. Alexandra DiGrado
Website: bostonpelvicpt.com | Instagram: @bostonpelvicpt | Newsletter: Under the Hood
Under the Hood Podcast
Instagram: @underthehooddocs | Website: underthehoodpod.com | YouTube: @underthehooddocs
***
If you enjoyed this episode, please follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a quick rating or review. It takes just 30 seconds, but it's one of the best ways to help Under the Hood grow and reach even more people. Thank you for listening!