Episode 9: Vaginismus: What It Is and Why “Just Relax” Doesn’t Work

Written By Katharine Seim

Vaginismus is often described as “pain with penetration,” but that definition misses the bigger picture. In this episode, Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy (couples and sex therapist) and Dr. Alex DiGrado, DPT, PRPC (pelvic floor physical therapist) unpack what vaginismus is, why it happens, and why it affects far more than just sex.

They explore how the nervous system, pelvic floor muscles, past experiences, and fear-based patterns all contribute to ongoing pain and tension. If you’ve ever been told to “just relax,” this conversation offers clarity, compassion, and an evidence-based path forward.


What You’ll Learn:

  • Why vaginismus isn’t a conscious choice or a psychological failure, but a protective response from the nervous system paired with involuntary pelvic floor muscle tightening.

  • How anticipation, anxiety, and past painful experiences can train the body to brace, and why this pattern can show up during sex, gynecologic exams, tampon use, or even pelvic floor PT.

  • Why vaginismus can affect bowel movements, sitting tolerance, core and hip tension, and overall quality of life (not just physical intimacy).

  • How pelvic floor physical therapy, nervous system regulation, education, and gradual exposure work together to help people feel safe in their bodies again.

Tune in if you’ve ever thought:

  • “Everyone keeps telling me to relax, but I literally don’t know how.”

  • “Can this ever get better, or will it always hurt like this?”

  • “How do I explain this to my partner, and what does it mean for our relationship long-term?”

  • “I feel embarrassed talking about this — am I the only one?”

  • “How do I get help without forcing myself through more pain?”

Helpful Resources

Connect with us:

Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy

Dr. Alexandra DiGrado

Podcast

Katharine Seim
Next

Episode 8: It's Not All in Your Head (Unpacking Pelvic Pain)