Episode 49: (Part 1) The “Mother Bucket” with Sarah Lowell Harmon
Rewire: Sarah’s seven-week life lab is designed to help you close the gap between the mom you want to be and how you show up every day. Registration closes this Thursday, October 15, and the program begins October 27. UTH listeners get 50% off with code UNDERTHEHOOD
Content Note: This episode includes a brief discussion of a parent’s acute mental health crisis, psychosis, and involuntary psychiatric hospitalization.
Having kids has a funny way of kicking down the door on how we were raised. Whether your relationship with your own mom is complicated, nonexistent, or actually pretty good, becoming a parent brings up a lot of old habits and big questions.
Our guest this week is Sarah Harmon, a therapist, mindfulness teacher, founder of School of Mom…and the one who first introduced Dr. Rebecca and Dr. Alex! Sarah has spent years navigating her own mother’s severe mental health crisis and their eventual estrangement. She shares what she’s learned both professionally and personally about filling your own "mother bucket," breaking old family patterns, and giving yourself the care you spend all day giving to everyone else.
We get into a LOT in this conversation (enough to fill Pennsylvania alone, per Sarah), so this is Part 1 of 2. Look out for Part 2 next week.
What you’ll learn:
The double whammy of motherhood: Why loving your own kids deeply can trigger hard questions about what you didn't receive as a child.
The "Mother Bucket": Why support from friends and partners can only go so far - and why the next best person to do it is you.
"Apples to Apples": The relief of finding community with other women who share a similar family dynamic or estrangement.
Over-functioning as a survival strategy: How early beliefs like "I'm only worthy if I'm helping someone" turn into chronic people-pleasing and resentment in adult relationships.
Why chaos feels comfortable: How our nervous system mistakes what is familiar for what is safe, even when it isn't healthy.
Tune in if you’ve ever thought:
"I snuggle my kid and then realize I can’t even remember the last time my own mom gave me a real hug."
“My relationship with my mom is pretty good, so why do I still want to parent differently than she did?”
“I made stuff for the bake sale, picked up the extra assignment, organized the carpool…and now I’m standing in my kitchen wanting to scream. Why do I do this to myself??
Why am I so much better at handling a crisis than I am at just trying to sit down and relax on the couch?”
Helpful resources:
Rewire: Sarah’s seven-week life lab designed to help you close the gap between the mom you want to be and how you show up every day. Registration closes this Thursday, October 15, and the program begins October 27. UTH listeners get $50 off with code UNDERTHEHOOD
Untethered: Sarah’s program for women with a difficult relationship with their mom. Not currently open for enrollment, but you can join the waitlist.
Mothering Ourselves Mindfully Podcast 🎧
Check out Sarah’s interview with Dr. Alex on Ep 48: It’s Called a Vulva! (Sarah’s most downloaded episode to date!)
Follow Sarah on Instagram: @sarahlowellharmon
Find a pelvic floor PT near you: pelvicrehab.com or Pelvic Global Directory
Parents in Love: A Guide to Great Sex After Kids by Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy
Connect with us:
Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy
Website: rebeccaeudy.com
Instagram: @rebeccahowardeudy
Newsletter: Parents in Love Substack
Dr. Alexandra DiGrado
Website: bostonpelvicpt.com
Instagram: @bostonpelvicpt
Newsletter: Under the Hood
Under the Hood Podcast
Instagram: @underthehooddocs
Website: underthehoodpod.com
YouTube: @underthehooddocs
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