Episode 40: “Arousal Non-Concordance” — When Your Mind & Your Body Don't Match Up

Aug 11

Content note: this episode includes brief references to sexual assault.

Arousal non-concordance is the nerdy, clinical term for when your physical arousal (like blood flow, lubrication, or erections) doesn't line up with what you're actually feeling mentally or emotionally. In real life, that can look like feeling super turned on mentally while your body shows zero physical signs of it...OR your body reacting physically to something you have absolutely no interest in.

This mismatch is fairly common and affects people of all ages and gender expressions, but that doesn’t make it any less confusing or distressing for those going through it

In this episode, sex & relationship therapist Dr. Rebecca Howard Eudy and pelvic floor physical therapist Dr. Alex DiGrado explain why this physical-mental disconnect pops up during key life transitions in particular; that it’s not a reflection of true attraction to your partner; and how to stay deeply connected even when your physical hardware isn't cooperating like you had hoped.

What you'll learn:

Lube begets lube: How using a high-quality lubricant (like Slippery Stuff or Uberlube) can break the anxiety-pain cycle.
Navigating trauma and bodily responses: How the body can respond with signs of arousal during a non-consensual encounter, which may leave SA survivors feeling ashamed and embarrassed.
Healthier communication: The key difference between checking in using a "yes, no, maybe" approach versus anxious second-guessing.
Pre-planning for non-concordance: How agreeing on a game plan before intimacy lowers anxiety and takes the pressure off both partners.
Redefining intimacy: The power of expanding what "counts" as intimacy way beyond just penetration.

Tune in if you've ever thought:

"I usually have no problem getting turned on - why is this happening to me now?"
"Does this mean I'm just not attracted to my partner anymore?"
"How do I bring this up to my partner without it turning into a whole ordeal?”
“Why did I still get hard, even though I said no? Does that mean some part of me wanted it?”

Helpful resources: